i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
