I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize