Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
