Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
