Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
