I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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