i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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