Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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