No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
