Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
