if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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