She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
