If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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