moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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