no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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