I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Holy shit dude........stairs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
