you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize