I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
