someone threw a dead crab at me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I could fuck to npr.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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