What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
