Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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