im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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