Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
