So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
