if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
