Sry I called you an 8
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
