and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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