nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
