I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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