I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
