My cat gives me a boner
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
