Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
