Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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