Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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