How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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