your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
