You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
