Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
