An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
