It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
