So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
