I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
