Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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