The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
