There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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