And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
