I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize