I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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