I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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