Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
