my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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