Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
