I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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