I'm going to jail i love you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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