yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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