we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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