Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
