I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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