I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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