I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My penis needs a shock collar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
