That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
