You work out of a Hotel?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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