you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
