i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
