what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
