Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
