this will be a night to untag.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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