if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
