y did u give ur computer a hand job?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
