Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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