I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
