i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
